Why Counseling is for Everyone
Perhaps you've experienced this phenomenon. You are out with a group of friends and the conversation "gets real." One of the group members begins to share about some relationship problems with their significant other. "He finally agreed to go to counseling with me."
"Mmm," the others shake their heads in a knowing condolence.
What they're saying in their heads might be:
"Wow, that bad, huh?"
or
"I guess you gotta reach the bottom before you're willing to change"
or
"Geez, I wonder what is ACTUALLY happening that they need to discuss with a counselor."
Hopefully, this a foreign concept to you. Hopefully, you believe that God has created us in a wonderful and irreducibly complex way. Hopefully, you have safe places to struggle. Hopefully, your view of health is much more holistic.
But, I do not hope in humanity. I hope in God.
If you have read any of my previous blogs, you know that I have struggled most of my life with anxiety and depression. God has used many things to help me in this journey and one major tool is counseling. Here are some arguments I would offer up for the benefit of counseling (for all people, at all times, in all seasons of life):
It's not what you think
Let's just start with the fact that there are some terrible misconceptions about what counseling is in the first place. A quick google search reveals that counseling is "the provision of assistance and guidance in resolving personal, social, or psychological problems and difficulties, especially by a professional." At the core, counseling is simply inviting someone else in to help you walk through a particular challenge in life. This could be someone in a clinic such as a professional psychiatrist, psychologist or family and marriage counselor. It could also be a pastor, youth worker, or trusted friend.
At any rate, counseling will probably NOT involve you laying on a couch as an eccentric old man tries to psychoanalyze you. There are no tricks or torture or forcing you to say something you do not want to say (at least there shouldn't be.) Instead, counseling can be a place where you (and others) can safely navigate through murky waters with a caring, unbiased, and helpful guide.
Counseling is not just for people at the end of their rope. It does not mean you are weak, it means you value wisdom and want to take care of yourself. Healthy people get help.
A practice in humility and vulnerability
I think there is something to be said for the benefit of acknowledging you do not have all the answers. You are not a supreme being. In fact, you are not even close. I once heard it said, "on my clearest days, I still see dimly." It takes a humble person to sit under the counsel of someone else. You do not have to take their advice wholesale . . . but you can still seek to understand a "second opinion" of sorts from a fresh pair of eyes. We all long for someone to know our story, but you cannot be known well without vulnerability.
For those of us who follow Christ, counseling should be something that we consider. First and foremost, God Himself is our Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6). However, He also calls us to sit under the wise counsel, admonition, encouragement, and discipleship of other believers (1 Thess. 5:11, Col 3:16, James 5:19-20, Proverbs 11:14, 12:15, 15:22, 19:20). If you are a believer, find a counselor who loves God and is sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
We go everywhere for counsel . . . besides counseling
I'm tempted to claim that we do not really "want" someone to tell us what to do . . . except that we are CONSTANTLY looking for answers. Out of dinner ideas? Search Pinterest. Trying to loose weight? Hire a trainer. Struggling to work well with others? Consult the enneagram. Need parenting advice? Subscribe to a podcast. Not sure what to believe about current events? Tune in to the news station that feeds your biases (ok sorry, I had to.)
The point is, most of us are motivated enough to discuss our investment portfolio with a financial advisor, but when it comes to working through an issue in a relationship, a counselor is "not necessary." Instead, we choose to ignore the problems, apply a temporary "patch," or just "ride it out," hoping it will all go away.
Mental health is a national crisis
Aside from your "run-of-the-mill" personal and family issues, there are PLENTY of mental health crises threatening our nation and our world today.
Over 70,000 Americans died of opioid overdose in 2017. (CDC)
Globally, depression is one of the leading causes of illness and disability among adolescents and suicide is the THIRD leading cause of death in 15-19 year olds. (WHO)
Untreated mental health issues in adolescence may lead to poor school performance, strained family relationships, substance abuse, and engaging in risky behaviors later in life. (NCCP)
While you may not be struggling with one of these issues, chances are you know someone who DOES. We can all be a part of the effort to DE-stigmatize mental illness and encourage them to get help when help is needed.
PARENTS: Along these same lines, I would encourage you to read THIS article on The Every Mom Blog, penned by my brilliant sister-in-law. She makes the profound point that pain in this life is inevitable. Instead of hoping to "ride out the rough waves," we can help our children to be self-aware and teach them where to go when they need help.
I. KNOW. IT'S. HARD. WORK.
I get it. I'm making it sound like counseling is as easy as going to the dentist. Believe me, I know it is much harder than that. Not only do you have to come to the realization that counseling is necessary, you also have to find a counselor and counseling situation that works for you. Finding a counselor can sometimes feel like interviewing for a job. You do the research and find a counselor that sounds promising. You find a babysitter and drive to the clinic. You fork out the copay and then go through all of the emotional work to divulge your story only to feel like it's just not "clicking" . . . even after several sessions.
Once you DO find a counselor, the real work begins. Change is messy and hard and humans make things complicated. Lean into that difficulty and let it mold you into a better person, a more Christ-like person. One who is pressed hard on every side, but not crushed. Let this be the catalyst that catapults you on a more healthy trajectory. Let this be the flag in the sand after which you will never look back.
"Mmm," the others shake their heads in a knowing condolence.
What they're saying in their heads might be:
"Wow, that bad, huh?"
or
"I guess you gotta reach the bottom before you're willing to change"
or
"Geez, I wonder what is ACTUALLY happening that they need to discuss with a counselor."
Hopefully, this a foreign concept to you. Hopefully, you believe that God has created us in a wonderful and irreducibly complex way. Hopefully, you have safe places to struggle. Hopefully, your view of health is much more holistic.
But, I do not hope in humanity. I hope in God.
If you have read any of my previous blogs, you know that I have struggled most of my life with anxiety and depression. God has used many things to help me in this journey and one major tool is counseling. Here are some arguments I would offer up for the benefit of counseling (for all people, at all times, in all seasons of life):
It's not what you think
Let's just start with the fact that there are some terrible misconceptions about what counseling is in the first place. A quick google search reveals that counseling is "the provision of assistance and guidance in resolving personal, social, or psychological problems and difficulties, especially by a professional." At the core, counseling is simply inviting someone else in to help you walk through a particular challenge in life. This could be someone in a clinic such as a professional psychiatrist, psychologist or family and marriage counselor. It could also be a pastor, youth worker, or trusted friend.
At any rate, counseling will probably NOT involve you laying on a couch as an eccentric old man tries to psychoanalyze you. There are no tricks or torture or forcing you to say something you do not want to say (at least there shouldn't be.) Instead, counseling can be a place where you (and others) can safely navigate through murky waters with a caring, unbiased, and helpful guide.
Counseling is not just for people at the end of their rope. It does not mean you are weak, it means you value wisdom and want to take care of yourself. Healthy people get help.
A practice in humility and vulnerability
I think there is something to be said for the benefit of acknowledging you do not have all the answers. You are not a supreme being. In fact, you are not even close. I once heard it said, "on my clearest days, I still see dimly." It takes a humble person to sit under the counsel of someone else. You do not have to take their advice wholesale . . . but you can still seek to understand a "second opinion" of sorts from a fresh pair of eyes. We all long for someone to know our story, but you cannot be known well without vulnerability.
For those of us who follow Christ, counseling should be something that we consider. First and foremost, God Himself is our Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6). However, He also calls us to sit under the wise counsel, admonition, encouragement, and discipleship of other believers (1 Thess. 5:11, Col 3:16, James 5:19-20, Proverbs 11:14, 12:15, 15:22, 19:20). If you are a believer, find a counselor who loves God and is sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
We go everywhere for counsel . . . besides counseling
I'm tempted to claim that we do not really "want" someone to tell us what to do . . . except that we are CONSTANTLY looking for answers. Out of dinner ideas? Search Pinterest. Trying to loose weight? Hire a trainer. Struggling to work well with others? Consult the enneagram. Need parenting advice? Subscribe to a podcast. Not sure what to believe about current events? Tune in to the news station that feeds your biases (ok sorry, I had to.)
The point is, most of us are motivated enough to discuss our investment portfolio with a financial advisor, but when it comes to working through an issue in a relationship, a counselor is "not necessary." Instead, we choose to ignore the problems, apply a temporary "patch," or just "ride it out," hoping it will all go away.
Mental health is a national crisis
Aside from your "run-of-the-mill" personal and family issues, there are PLENTY of mental health crises threatening our nation and our world today.
Over 70,000 Americans died of opioid overdose in 2017. (CDC)
Globally, depression is one of the leading causes of illness and disability among adolescents and suicide is the THIRD leading cause of death in 15-19 year olds. (WHO)
Untreated mental health issues in adolescence may lead to poor school performance, strained family relationships, substance abuse, and engaging in risky behaviors later in life. (NCCP)
While you may not be struggling with one of these issues, chances are you know someone who DOES. We can all be a part of the effort to DE-stigmatize mental illness and encourage them to get help when help is needed.
PARENTS: Along these same lines, I would encourage you to read THIS article on The Every Mom Blog, penned by my brilliant sister-in-law. She makes the profound point that pain in this life is inevitable. Instead of hoping to "ride out the rough waves," we can help our children to be self-aware and teach them where to go when they need help.
I. KNOW. IT'S. HARD. WORK.
I get it. I'm making it sound like counseling is as easy as going to the dentist. Believe me, I know it is much harder than that. Not only do you have to come to the realization that counseling is necessary, you also have to find a counselor and counseling situation that works for you. Finding a counselor can sometimes feel like interviewing for a job. You do the research and find a counselor that sounds promising. You find a babysitter and drive to the clinic. You fork out the copay and then go through all of the emotional work to divulge your story only to feel like it's just not "clicking" . . . even after several sessions.
Once you DO find a counselor, the real work begins. Change is messy and hard and humans make things complicated. Lean into that difficulty and let it mold you into a better person, a more Christ-like person. One who is pressed hard on every side, but not crushed. Let this be the catalyst that catapults you on a more healthy trajectory. Let this be the flag in the sand after which you will never look back.
Very nicely said.
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